( it's automatic, and sincerely meant. not all people who have children are parents, but the ones that are... that love is a constant, unshakable force. han's brow creases, following old frown lines.
he recognizes it for what it is. a transaction. information offered with the expectation of something given in return. yet her being a mother and knowing the loss of a child isn't relevant to him the way ben's struggles are to her. han's a smuggler, he knows too well how equivalent exchange works and that this doesn't come close. but it's evidence enough that she's at least trying. that she wants to understand. han closes his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose. something... surrenders in his posture, and when he opens his eyes he doesn't look at her, but out across the bar. then, in returning to her he says: )
Let's make one thing clear. I never feared him.
( not once. leia knew she was pregnant before even their advanced medical tests would have shown it. he still remembers her taking his hand and resting it on the flat plane of her stomach and telling him they would have a son together, and that he would be strong in the force. stronger than her. stronger than luke. they'd known.
han hadn't cared. he'd loved ben into being from that moment onward. even when ben had driven his saber through his chest and he fell, he'd tried with his last conscious thought to will forgiveness into the force between them. )
I feared for him. There's... something in my universe... like an ability, almost. Called the Force. Using it is like tapping into... the energy of everything. You feel everything. These people were called Jedi, if they used their abilities for good. Or Sith, if they used them for evil. Don't give me that 'it's all relative' shit — I mean protecting or helping people versus killing them. Torturing them.
( his tone maybe flattens out a bit when he says torturing.)
Ben was strong in the Force. Maybe stronger than anyone else who'd come before. The Jedi had been eradicated just about to a man in a violent uprising when I was a kid. Every trace of the Order the Empire could get their hands on was wiped off the face of the universe. We had almost nothing. Knew almost nothing. We didn't have the first idea how to help him manage those abilities. And the older he got, the more it was obvious that he needed guidance we couldn't give him. Love wasn't enough.
( but ben must have felt so alone. han looks down at his hands, rough and nicked and worn with an age he never expected to live to. )
So yeah, we sent him away. To his uncle, Luke, who was the last living Jedi who'd ever trained with a real master. Luke was trying to revive the Order, to guide kids, like Ben, who were struggling. We thought it was the right thing.
no subject
( it's automatic, and sincerely meant. not all people who have children are parents, but the ones that are... that love is a constant, unshakable force. han's brow creases, following old frown lines.
he recognizes it for what it is. a transaction. information offered with the expectation of something given in return. yet her being a mother and knowing the loss of a child isn't relevant to him the way ben's struggles are to her. han's a smuggler, he knows too well how equivalent exchange works and that this doesn't come close. but it's evidence enough that she's at least trying. that she wants to understand. han closes his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose. something... surrenders in his posture, and when he opens his eyes he doesn't look at her, but out across the bar. then, in returning to her he says: )
Let's make one thing clear. I never feared him.
( not once. leia knew she was pregnant before even their advanced medical tests would have shown it. he still remembers her taking his hand and resting it on the flat plane of her stomach and telling him they would have a son together, and that he would be strong in the force. stronger than her. stronger than luke. they'd known.
han hadn't cared. he'd loved ben into being from that moment onward. even when ben had driven his saber through his chest and he fell, he'd tried with his last conscious thought to will forgiveness into the force between them. )
I feared for him. There's... something in my universe... like an ability, almost. Called the Force. Using it is like tapping into... the energy of everything. You feel everything. These people were called Jedi, if they used their abilities for good. Or Sith, if they used them for evil. Don't give me that 'it's all relative' shit — I mean protecting or helping people versus killing them. Torturing them.
( his tone maybe flattens out a bit when he says torturing. )
Ben was strong in the Force. Maybe stronger than anyone else who'd come before. The Jedi had been eradicated just about to a man in a violent uprising when I was a kid. Every trace of the Order the Empire could get their hands on was wiped off the face of the universe. We had almost nothing. Knew almost nothing. We didn't have the first idea how to help him manage those abilities. And the older he got, the more it was obvious that he needed guidance we couldn't give him. Love wasn't enough.
( but ben must have felt so alone. han looks down at his hands, rough and nicked and worn with an age he never expected to live to. )
So yeah, we sent him away. To his uncle, Luke, who was the last living Jedi who'd ever trained with a real master. Luke was trying to revive the Order, to guide kids, like Ben, who were struggling. We thought it was the right thing.