dragonwarder | (no subject)

I had power not unlike the powers we have here.
Greater.
More varied.
It runs in my family and I was particularly strong.

My parents feared me. They sent me away when I was ten.

[This was not the confession she was expecting. It feels personal, in a way that perhaps does not belong to her. As a result, it takes some time to process, and she does not draw the connection right away.]

Why are you telling me this?

Because you had a secret shared without your consent.
I can't take back the knowledge and I suspect telling you that it changes nothing of my opinion is cold comfort at best.

( but it's more than that. it's just ...finding the words to explain himself is a little difficult. )

You are my friend.
Exchanging one of my secrets for yours seems a small thing if it means you will not feel quite so ... unsettled in my knowing.

[oh.]

Rey made that choice. Not you.

[She's still kind of upset about it, if she's being honest. Which is, no doubt, why Kylo has come to share his secrets with her.]

I prefer not to think of them at all.
Family has done little for me, beyond granting me my crown.
And even that, I find I must fight for.
I am disappointed that you find that feeling familiar.

Even so, I heard it.
Perhaps you would have told me, perhaps not. The decision was yours to make.

( another pause. )

I pity anyone that would stand in your way.

[She shouldn't find that sentiment comforting, but she does. Perhaps it is a sign that she should give him another piece of that story. Perhaps one he will find comfort in.

Or perhaps one that will caution him not to press further, depending.]

Viserys tried.
He pleaded with me for his life, when his time came.

You did not spare him.
Do you regret it?

[If I look back, I am lost.]

Viserys was first in line for the crown.
Because he was the first born male. That is the way of thinking in Westeros.
But we were orphaned, with no holdings left to advance with.
So, he bought himself an army to take back the Seven Kingdoms from the Usurper who held them.

I was bride he used for currency.
And when that failed to grant him the respect he felt he deserved as my keeper, he threatened to take me back.
Like a broodmare, to be traded and used.

No, Kylo Ren.
I do not regret it.

Good.

( there is really no more that needs be said. but he doesn't leave it at that — cannot now that he's started. )

Someone like that is not deserving of mercy.

[Logically, she knows that. She feels an old ache, an urge to make excuses for him -- but like every other time, she shoves the urge away. He would not have done the same for her.]

There would be nothing to do for it even if he was.
No sense dwelling on what cannot be changed.
You will trap yourself, wondering if you could have done better, or differently.

The answer is always no.

Indeed.

( it should end here. he has accomplished what he'd hoped, and there is no reason to continue.

still: ) My father is here.

[That's. A big yikes.]

I see.
What do you need from me?

You are always welcome to stay with Rey and I, of course.
It does not need to be shared.

[She assumes Rey won't balk at her partner showing up unannounced, anyway. She seems That Way. But she assumes she is being told because he is trying to get away from him, to give him space.

It's what she would have wanted, if it were the reverse.]

Nothing yet.

( as much as he would like to say that he's calm, collected, the truth is that it's a lot more complicated than that. )

He is not a bad man.
The fear he felt was justified, and I no longer hate him for it.

( but there were wounds that ran so deep that it was difficult to imagine that they would ever heal. )

Good mothers and fathers do not abandon their children.
Not when they scream, not when they rage, not when they cry through the night.

[In case Kylo Ren forgot he was talking to the Mother of Dragons. But she is not his mother -- she isn't about to police who he forgives. But the urge to forgive is familiar, if not distant.]

If you ever change your mind, know that I will listen.

I may take you up on that.

It is the least I can offer you.

[Since she...could have almost killed him the last time he tried to help her, and everything.]

You owe me nothing.

You are welcome to that interpretation, if you desire.

[A polite, courtly way of saying "lol k".]