dragonwarder | (no subject)

Hey. We should talk.

Did something happen?

[If we pretend nothing is wrong then everything is fine, right?]

Edited 2020-02-16 21:58 (UTC)

( ah, hell. she doesn't know. han takes a very deep, resigned breath. )

Ben and Rey are gone. I know you were close with them both, I thought maybe you could use... Hell, I don't know. A drink.

I know.

[It seems like that is all she can manage, for a little while. They were not the first whom were close to her to leave. Being caught somewhere between amger and sorrow — it is probably unfair to inflict those things upon Han.

Or perhaps she just doesn’t want to be seen like this — upset. Lacking her usual poise and composure.]

People come and they go.
But I will not decline your company.

( he scrubs a hand over his face. he'd rather face down someone with that kind of restraint than the sort to wail and throw themselves at his feet. the lack of emotion is almost a relief. must be a royalty thing. leia is just the same, at least in public.

he's probably not any better company now than he was in the years after the jedi temple burned, but. ben and rey both would have wanted him to reach out to her. and he likes her well enough on his own merits, so. here he is. )

Let's hit that Displaced bar. Say an hour?

Alright.

[Despite her emotions, she is nothing if not punctual. Daenerys' version of plain clothes comes in the form of a fitted, long sleeved black dress with tight cuffs and a flowing base, lined in red.

She faces the door, waiting for Han to join her.]

( punctual isn't exactly his middle name, but he makes it passably on time. all things considered, he looks pretty good for a guy who's lost his son and the closest thing to a daughter he and leia never dreamed of in the span of a few days, though he's still wind-burnt by the trek to everest, cheeks reddened with the harsh climes.

he raises a hand when he sees her, and then gestures for her to precede him to a table. he remembers how this song and dance works with nobles. )

Hey. Thanks for coming.

[She is a persistent actress. She makes a show of recognition when Han joins her in the bar, a smile spreading — but not too widely. She falls in step when she is invited to a table, waiting until he sits before lowering herself as well.

The truth is, she isn’t sure what to make of Han now that Ben had told her of his upbringing. It had all seemed so at odds with the man she’d met...but then, she also remembered what it was like to be sent away. And worse.

The truth, perhaps, was somewhere in the center of it. And perhaps if she were less bitter over Rey and Ben’s departure, shw might have asked. But she has not yet moved past the “anger” stage.]

You were kind to invite me.

[Now, she allows her smile to fade to something a bit more neutral.]

I am sorry to hear that Kylo Ren has left as well. I suppose I should have guessed, when he did not come looking for Rey.

( the little tics. the clothing. the color scheme isn't lost on him, it sure as hell looks like something qi'ra would have worn in her role with crimson dawn. even the smile, which he knows to be a calculated thing. something's happened, and it's replaced the easy camaraderie they fell into at first. could it really just be rey leaving, and a woman wound up tightly around her grief? )

Ben.

( it's softly said, but firm. kylo ren was something he became — but ben is who he is. whoever his son is becoming is maybe somewhere between the pitch and yaw of those two names, but han knows which one he prefers. )

I guess the consolation prize here is that wherever they ended up, they did it together.

( loss is something he's carried most of his life. places, people, friends. lovers. even his son. it hurts, but han's used to burying it. but he really does think that whatever happened, whatever caused them to leave... they had each other. )

[He is bold enough to correct her and, were it not something she was at least mildly prepared for, she might have allowed herself to look irritated. After all, Rey had not thought herself so bold as to do such a thing -- but Rey was not his father.

Ben was the name Han had given him. Kylo Ren was the name he took. It says to her what Han Solo thinks of the man Ben Solo had become. But the man he had become was the man that was close to her.

She does not yet know the difference -- or if there is one at all. To her, they are the same man. But they'll get into that.]

Perhaps. [There is a momentary pause, during which she consults the menu through her implant and orders a glass of house red wine.] Perhaps not. There will be no telling for some time, if there is to be telling at all.

[She is not so detached to keep it all out of her voice. Even if they were not to be blamed for leaving, some part of her still felt abandoned. To linger on it would invite questions, though--and there are other things to focus on.]

I see the family resemblance now. You have the same brow. Same nose.

Edited 2020-02-17 21:23 (UTC)

( he breathes out a little. it catches on what feels like an old crack in his ribs. grief is an ugly thing when it goes to ground in you. han cracks a crooked little smile. )

You should see him fly a ship.

( there's an old sort of pride there, the sort that, were it an object to be found, would be tucked away in an attic, dusty and worn and well-loved once by scattered sunbeams. han's well aware that the prowess ben got from him (and probably the skywalker side too, though han preferred to think it was his own natural skill and not the force that made ben great at it) was something he used in the name of the first order to subjugate the galaxy. but seeing him fly even just a glider for the first time... it was the proudest he'd ever been. )

[Hm. A curious thing to say. Surely Ben was not flying a spaceship when he was ten years of age. Or perhaps he was. Again, she is faced with how little she seems to know about the worlds that belonged to her friends.

The knowledge itself is daunting.]

You taught him yourself?

[Despite the fact that the question is meant to be something of an entrapment, there is something fond in her voice when she asks. A part of her (for whatever she thinks of the small amount of knowledge she has about Han's parenting choices) cannot help but seek out those small nuggets of emotion and history. Those tied to family, and children, the sorts of memories she had continuously been denied.]

( han just laughs a bit, shakes his head. )

I barely needed to. He was a natural.

( ben was always precocious. han used to take him out on a speeder, and well before leia probably would have been okay with it han had him steering it through the lush hills south of hanna. they only really got stuck in a swamp that once... )

He was better than I ever was by the time he was ten. And I was the best pilot in the galaxy during the Rebellion.

So young. They grow up fast.

[She feels like she might understand that pride. She had felt it at times for Drogon, Viserion, and Rhaegal, though many would argue the two could not be compared. She would have liked to see her son ride a dragon one day, had he survived.

But he hadn't. And that is why she cannot understand what Kylo Ren had tried to tell her about Han Solo.

Speaking of Rebellion is what causes her fond expression to fade some, and return her to her track of questioning. Rebellion was not a friend of her's -- rebellion had broken her family, even if it had no context toward their current conversation. As such, there is no anger in her eyes, but there is a weightiness to her tone that indicates she already has some version of this story -- and she is fact checking it.]

Why did you and your wife send him away?

( he's lucky, perhaps, that the server hasn't had the time to bring han's usual order over to him, because if he'd been in the midst of a drink when she posed that question he'd have choked on it. instead, his mouth tightens.

honestly, he could tell her to go to hell and feel perfectly justified. but it's a woman wearing qi'ra's face asking him a question about his greatest failing as not just a parent but as a man, and he finds the rebuke won't come. he drums his knuckles on the table in a brief tattoo instead.

it says a lot about how close she is to both rey and ben to have gotten that story, though he doesn't know which one of them it might have come from. )

Why do you want to know?

( see, the funny thing is, han doesn't trust anyone inherently. he barely knows her. he doesn't owe her the story of the darkest years of her life, especially not when she may well be gathering that information as a way to hurt ben down the line.

if he comes back.

(when.) )

[The smile comes back this time. His mistrust, she takes as a challenge. This smile, it is less kind -- it is a threat all its own. It also doesn't stick.

Kylo Ren had gone to bat for his father, when he had seen her reaction to the news. But there had been a point in her life where she would have defended Viserys too, and what he had done to her was worse than anything that Han had done to Kylo Ren (unless there were things he hadn't told her -- but this was hard enough to believe).

It is the only thing that keeps her from threatening him outright.]

You didn't deny it.

[She points that out first, as if it was all she needed to cement her opinion. She can feel his resistance to impart this to her -- and it is justified. But they both know that her having the knowledge in the first place means she's already gotten close enough to someone to obtain it.

Close enough to doubt what her eyes told her.]

Only a monster would abandon a child. You do not seem a monster to me, General. Rey seems to share that opinion.

[One eyebrows raises expectantly.]

Are you?

( the hint of a threat just makes him smile. it's familiar, almost comforting. like being back in an old cantina with a bounty hunter breathing down his neck, han's always done his best work under the threat of violence. if anything, his posture gets more casual and relaxed. )

I didn't deny it because it's none of your business, Your Eminence.

( he'd called her that at first. he has no idea what her title actually is, but it seems to have stuck. but this, at least, he says blandly. he's dealt with enough nobility throughout his life that he knows blowing a gasket at them is going to get him in far more trouble than it gets him out of.

only a monster would abandon their child.

that could only have come from ben himself. it's like the twist of a saber in his chest. )

The only thing you need to know about my relationship with my son is that I love him, and I always tried to do what was best for him.

You would call your son a liar, then?

[It is a rhetorical question. He didn't deny it because there was nothing to deny. Frankness takes over, and she does not bother to correct him on the title he chooses for her.]

Do not dance around the truth. It makes me think you have something to hide, and makes me doubt your intentions more.

[Their drinks arrive then, and Daenerys' icy demeanor relaxes some when she gets her hand around the glass of wine. She allows him space while taking a sip, though brief.]

Kylo Ren and Rey have both done much for me. Kylo Ren saved my life, not long after I arrived here.

[Pointedly, she does not revert to the corrected name she was given.]

This information was not told to me under light circumstances. I owe it to them to understand before I cast my judgement. If you do not want to tell me, I cannot force you, but you should know that my trust is notoriously difficult to earn.

[She puts the glass back down and folds her hands in her lap. Truthfully, the bluster is perhaps too easy to fall into without them there -- if they did not return, then she might have been making an enemy without much reason in doing so.

She realizes it too late -- and she is uncertain if she cares.]

Don't put words in my mouth, lady. I know how this game works.

( still breezy. still light. his anger is roiling beneath the surface, but he's had how many years, again, to practice hiding it? he takes his beer with a little gesture of 'cheers' to the server and takes a drink before he bothers answering her. she may wear the face of someone he loved once, and hold the hearts of not just one but two people he cares for very deeply, but he's not cowed by her poise or the dagger of her words. )

If you're going to hold your trust — which has what value to me again, exactly? — hostage over information about my son, why should I tell you anything to begin with? Ben's not here. He can't speak for himself, he can't refute anything I say. I'm not going to tell you his secrets with only some vague promise that he gave you that information willingly.

( han leans forwards, and pushes his index finger down against the table to make a (literal, ha) point. )

If he told you himself because he wanted to, that's obviously how he felt. I don't have the right to defend myself and my actions, because my intent doesn't change how he took it. I don't give a damn about your judgement. Go ahead and call me whatever you want.

[Han may not have been intending to give her information, but his reaction gives her a decent amount. She absorbs it and dissects it, leaving a long and tense silence between them.

He had taken her interpretation of his actions to be direct words from his son's mouth. That spoke to guilt about what he had done, and about the way Kylo Ren now saw him. He had spoken about not having a right to defend his actions, rather than making the attempt to do so when he knew that she had his son's ear. That spoke to honesty. He acknowledges that his intent didn't matter, because of the effects that it had left.

All the other insults -- it takes her a few moments to bury them, to avoid taking them personally. In truth, she had baited his anger, hadn't she? She could forgive him a few scathing remarks.

She searches his face, momentarily mollified before her shoulders relax some and she reaches for her glass again. Daenerys does not drink, though -- it's just something to keep in her hand. He hadn't necessarily disproved her opinion, but he'd made it harder for her to believe in her gut reaction.

She wasn't used to that. Few people in the world had been capable of making her think twice.]

He did not call you a monster. Those are my words. On the contrary, he believes that you meant well.

[That, at least, she should correct. She takes the tone of someone who isn't prepared to apologize, but of someone who's maybe reconsidered their point of view. She does not look him in the eyes when she says that -- but they drift back up once she acknowledges her potential misinterpretation.]

I've met plenty of other well-meaning men during my rule. And before that. Some who were close to me, at one point or another. And I would feel better knowing for certain that you are not one of those men.

[Now she takes a drink, and then sets her glass aside in favor of closing off her body language, folding her arms a little tighter over her torso and allowing herself to relax. She has at least concluded that, whatever had sparked this war between Han Solo and his son, it was likely a singular circumstance and not likely to be repeated.

That is enough for now.]

Edited 2020-02-18 00:53 (UTC)

( she doesn't defuse his anger so much as step deftly around it, but hearing that the accusation didn't come from ben does... well. his shoulders sag a little at the admission, and he rubs a hand over his face. takes a drink of his beer as he, too, reconsiders his stance.

he doesn't owe her anything. not one damn thing. he could get up and leave and forget he ever tried to offer comfort to someone just because ben and rey were close to her. he's tired of people trying to get into his head and tear him apart from the inside out. vader did that once. it's one of the reasons that no matter what luke ever said, no matter how the fall of the empire came about, han's never scraped up even a modicum of forgiveness for him. he tortured leia. destroyed her planet and made her watch. what he did to han himself was secondary, but he still remembers bespin. it was maybe the first time in his life that his preference would have been to die for someone else, because he knew the whole point was to lean into luke's compassion and love for him. but vader knew better than to go that far. you want to talk about monsters?

he takes a long draught of his beer. lets the silence seethe between them like a black hole in space, swallowing sound.

in a considering sort of tone, almost like one used to barter: )

How much did he tell you?

( maybe he can use that as a starting point. he won't give up anything ben hasn't already given her, he'll guard the secrets his son chose to keep more closely than his own. he still doesn't give a shit about her opinion, and has little interest in trying to change her mind — but he acknowledges that at least part of that is grief warring with anger at the tack she chose to take. )

Only that you feared him. And that you sent him away, at ten years of age.

[Her posture does not change. In truth, that is more than enough to damn a parent, in her eyes. He has already made it clear that her opinion does not matter to him -- and that is fine. Or it would be, if she were yet used to her opinion not carrying weight.

It had been months, and she was still not over it. That recognition smarts her a little -- not that Han would have any idea of that.

But some context -- maybe it would make him more amicable to share the information. She won't tell him of the context that caused Kylo Ren to share the information in the first place. Viserys was still a sore subject, and she was still angry with Rey for having used it against her. She will not give Han that same chance.

Some might call it emotional manipulation. But to her, it is a simple business transaction. for information she needs to protect someone close to her.]

I was a mother, for a time. But my son never had the chance to be born before his life was taken from him.

I'm sorry.

( it's automatic, and sincerely meant. not all people who have children are parents, but the ones that are... that love is a constant, unshakable force. han's brow creases, following old frown lines.

he recognizes it for what it is. a transaction. information offered with the expectation of something given in return. yet her being a mother and knowing the loss of a child isn't relevant to him the way ben's struggles are to her. han's a smuggler, he knows too well how equivalent exchange works and that this doesn't come close. but it's evidence enough that she's at least trying. that she wants to understand. han closes his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose. something... surrenders in his posture, and when he opens his eyes he doesn't look at her, but out across the bar. then, in returning to her he says: )

Let's make one thing clear. I never feared him.

( not once. leia knew she was pregnant before even their advanced medical tests would have shown it. he still remembers her taking his hand and resting it on the flat plane of her stomach and telling him they would have a son together, and that he would be strong in the force. stronger than her. stronger than luke. they'd known.

han hadn't cared. he'd loved ben into being from that moment onward. even when ben had driven his saber through his chest and he fell, he'd tried with his last conscious thought to will forgiveness into the force between them. )

I feared for him. There's... something in my universe... like an ability, almost. Called the Force. Using it is like tapping into... the energy of everything. You feel everything. These people were called Jedi, if they used their abilities for good. Or Sith, if they used them for evil. Don't give me that 'it's all relative' shit — I mean protecting or helping people versus killing them. Torturing them.

( his tone maybe flattens out a bit when he says torturing. )

Ben was strong in the Force. Maybe stronger than anyone else who'd come before. The Jedi had been eradicated just about to a man in a violent uprising when I was a kid. Every trace of the Order the Empire could get their hands on was wiped off the face of the universe. We had almost nothing. Knew almost nothing. We didn't have the first idea how to help him manage those abilities. And the older he got, the more it was obvious that he needed guidance we couldn't give him. Love wasn't enough.

( but ben must have felt so alone. han looks down at his hands, rough and nicked and worn with an age he never expected to live to. )

So yeah, we sent him away. To his uncle, Luke, who was the last living Jedi who'd ever trained with a real master. Luke was trying to revive the Order, to guide kids, like Ben, who were struggling. We thought it was the right thing.

Edited 2020-02-18 01:54 (UTC)

Thank you.

[That is all she can say, on the matter of Rhaego. She was still haunted by the whole thing, and it takes a great deal of effort to keep the emotion out of her face. She doesn't quite manage it.

But fortunately, Han chooses to move on from it before long. If the subject matter were less serious, she might have smiled at the way he quantifies what "good" and "evil" means. Almost as if he already knew what she might have said, even if he couldn't possibly have known. All of the energy he gives her is a lot to take in -- it was more than either Rey or Kylo Ren had imparted to her, though she had never asked. She never would have known or thought to ask.

She would have to ask them, if they ever came back, for their perspective on it. Kylo Ren, most of all.]

He told me of power, but...

[Somehow, this isn't what she'd thought. Intense, worldbinding empathy? It would explain why he was so...detached. Like she was. The weight of everyone's energy, of the energy of a family, a city, a world.

How could anyone fathom that? She takes a long moment to try and imagine it, in the context of what Han gives her. And truthfully, it is impossible to grasp. But she manages at least a bit, thanks to her familiarity with the empathy bond. The Force, she imagines it to a larger scale.

Now it is Daenerys' turn to tap her fingers upon the table. Her's is not a nervous, anxious drumbeat, but a thoughtful and graceful, repetitive flow of each of her nails hitting the table's surface in sequence.]

I suppose it wasn't.

[She says it like the ending of her inquiry, and not like she is seeking more information. It easily closes the chapter of her thoughts on Han Solo, smuggler, hero, general, father.]

In that case, I apologize for my previous remarks upon your character.

[She meets his eyes this time, and for a second it seems like that is all she is going to say. Like she does not owe him more than that.]

Your son is dear to me, and my family was broken by people who thought they were doing the right thing as well.

[The awkward pauses suggests there is more to it than that, but the way she looks away from him suggests she isn't quite ready to share that level of grief with him yet.]

I am glad you both may have the chance to make your peace with it all.

Edited 2020-02-18 02:09 (UTC)

( his eyebrows raise, just like that? but he doesn't offer anything else. only — )

Well, apology accepted. It's easy to think the worst of people. Hell, I'm from Corellia. If Ben's never told you what it was like... let's just say I have a lot of experience with the scum of the earth.

( he shakes his head. rueful. those days are long behind him, but... they still inform who he is in all the wrong ways and only a few of the right ones. the silence that settles this time is easier to bear.

at length, )

Your son. Did he have a name?

( it feels important to know. )

@han.solo (post rey+ben canon update disappearance)

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