dragonwarder | (no subject)

You might be the first to think so.

( he's being unfair, even if he doesn't feel this negates the truth of what is being said. being welcomed into people's company had been a novelty, but one that had sat uneasily on his shoulders.

still, he dips his head. an attempt to be gracious. grateful. )

Tea will be fine. ( it will be good to have something to do. give him something to occupy himself while they speak. )

[Hm. Dire. Something surely happened, while they were away. It would perhaps explain Rey's sudden absence...but Kylo only seemed more dour. Hardly changed.

It unnerved her. But she nods her affirmative, and sets to boiling water.]

It was a quiet month, in your absence. Some newly Displaced, but not much else of note.

The same means of delivery?

( asked as he moves around the kitchen, pulling down a cup and tea bags and setting them onto the counter.

it's more than a little embarrassing, if so. they've been here for months and are no closer to finding out the identities of the deliverymen ㅡ or figuring out how, precisely, they were being drawn to this world.

the gates, perhaps. or something similar. there had been a moment when he'd thought the gates might have sent him back, but now he's not so sure. and the uncertainty grates on him. )

Indeed.

[Or at least, so far as she could tell. She doesn't turn back to him. Instead, she leans over the stove to absorb the warmth from the steam -- as if it would some how burn away the strange feeling settling over her.

Something wasn't right. She can tell.]

Did you just return?

A few hours ago.

( the specifics are difficult to pin down. han hadn't been home when he'd woken in his bed, and for a long moment, kylo had wondered if he had imagined his father's presence here entirely.

his fingers curl against the counter, gaze dropping as he studies them. )

She's hiding from me. ( it comes out after a moment.

that is the obvious answer. the most logical, given the little he now knows, and the remaining pieces he is slowly gathering to himself. his posture is still rigid. muscles taut with a tension that is somewhere between anger and disappointment.

he draws his lower lip into his mouth, worries at it. )

Rey.

That's why she left.

[Daenerys lifts her head then and turns to him, frowning quizzically. There's something to unpack there, but she is not quick to take his word for it.

Surely if it were just about Kylo Ren, Rey would have told her. She would not have just...left in the night, without saying anything. They were closer than that, weren't they?

(Or perhaps they weren't.)]

What do you mean?

[Just because she doesn't believe him does not mean she's not going to ask for clarity.]

( to call it an understatement would be putting it mildly.

a hand passes across his mouth, as kylo ren debates just where to begin with his story. what, precisely, is his to share. he hasn’t forgotten the clearing, rey revealing daenerys’ secrets. he hesitates, glancing at daenerys side-long.

she is owed something. more than what she has been given if rey has left, and for a moment the anger overwhelms the disappointment and the confusion, his skin flickering with it. it passes quickly, however. he has grown better at moderating himself. )

What we are — what we have. Our fates are bound together, tighter than we realized. ( he hesistates a moment longer, as if considering saying more, but then thinks better of it. water is set to boil, instead. )

Neither of us have been particularly good at belonging.

[Daenerys makes the effort to understand, but comes out shaking her head. She reaches to pull the kettle off the stove, pouring the water into the cups Kylo Ren had grabbed.]

That does not explain why she's fled. I would imagine if it is belonging she seeks, she would only seek you out all the more. Certainly, she would not flee here.

[She does her best to keep her tone measured, but there is confusion (and maybe a hint of frustration) laced in her words.]

( it should reassure him — and might have done so, not long ago, before he’d spent the better part of a year chasing her across the galaxy. rey could be stubborn, and none more so than when she felt she wash the right.

his lips press together. ) I did not set aside my power for her.

( hadn't found her like they'd discussed, and a part of him is disappointed that he hadn't thought to try for all that he'd been driven by the furious animal need to find her. have her. with him. ) She's likely furious with me.

[His confession surprises her. As a result, there is a period of silence while she picks up the tea bags he had brought and deposits one in each mug to steep. Somehow, that seemed unlike the Kylo Ren she had grown to know -- but she also knew of the conundrum that he spoke of.

She'd done it to Daario Naharis, after all. Some things were bigger than individual relationships.]

Well. I am certain she is hurt, if that is the case. Common folk often lack proper perspective when it comes to the responsibilities of being a ruler.

[There is understanding in her tone, and she accepts his reasoning -- even if she believes there is likely more to Rey's side of things. She finds the knowledge does not ease the feeling of being abandoned.]

( it's on the tip of his tongue to point out just how far from common rey is, but he draws the words back, tucking them behind his teeth.

he catches her meaning well enough, and daenerys is right in that the problem lies in misunderstanding and rey's willful refusal to see sense. qualities he would admire far more were the galaxy not at stake. )

There were things that I learned ㅡ ( pausing, teeth sliding together. ) threats that were revealed, that would have made it impossible.

( because it isn't the power he wants. not really. power had brought him freedom but also greater scrutiny, and while he had the strength to fend off most (any) challenges, a year spent at the head of the first order had opened his eyes to some of the uglier realities of leadership.

he holds the power because he knows that there are many far worse than himself ready to take his place. this before he'd ever known of palpatine's return.

the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, to sigh out in exasperation, is immense but he curbs the urge. )

She will come back. ( he settles on, instead. looks to daenerys. ) She is too stubborn to keep herself away for long.

[Kylo Ren knows Rey better than she does -- that is an objective fact. They are from the same world, share some errant power, among other things. And yet, she cannot help but feel his statement is more for her benefit rather than being the truth.

Or perhaps he is merely trying to convince himself.]

Sometimes they don't.

[She feels the need to bring him back to reality, though she would like to believe Rey to be better than the long list of people who had disappointed her.

She pushes a cup toward him and picks up her own. She manages a light (but tired) smile.]

I suppose that means I will see less of you now, until she does.

Sometimes. ( he agrees with a soft nod of his head, ) but she loves you, and that will not have changed.

( his fingers wrap around the mug, feeling the warmth sink into his palm. a slow breath against the surface of the tea. )

Only if you would rather I kept my distance.

( because they are friends, aren't they? would be friends even without rey to act as an intermediary. the thought is a strange one ㅡ comforting and unsettling. )

[His first statement gets her to scoff lightly. Kylo Ren, talking about how Rey loves her. Her doubt is poisonous -- and there is a moment where she reflects on it internally. She'd never really questioned it previously, that Rey cared for her. But now that Kylo Ren is trying to tell her so, it seems something of a joke.

Or maybe she was just taking Rey's absence harder than she wanted to admit. Fortunately, his follow up catches her off-guard some. She'd only been stating what she thought was obvious, but then she feels a bit foolish when he does not go along with the jest.

She lowers her cup from her lips.]

I would welcome your presence as often as you wish to provide it.

[She pauses again, grappling with her emotions and attempting to decide which to engage with and which to leave lying down. Admitting out loud that she didn't expect Kylo Ren to want to stick around her without Rey to soften the social burden is too much for her to confront, so she leaves that alone.

Instead, she offers another truth:]

I did not seek to imply otherwise. To be true, the apartment has been unpleasantly quiet.

I would imagine so.

( what with their not being around to cause a ruckus. it occurs to him that he should feel worse about that then he does — it does push other, more treacherous thoughts to the surface, but he pushes those down. practised at it, now.

a silence that teeters on awkward settles over them. this is harder than he’d expected it to be, and it reminds him of how poorly suited for conversation he is. the empathy bond would be a godsend, were it not for the fact that he would then have to make himself vulnerable, and stars know he loathes that. )

If I can help — ( — well, he would do what he could, obviously, but leaves it up to her to decide what shape that help might take. )

[Daenerys doesn't engage his offer of help. It doesn't feel right to accept -- and it would require her to ask for help, which she had never been very good at doing to begin with. So, rather than engage with that directly, she decides to finally broach the topic that she'd been avoiding.]

I spoke to your father at length after you both disappeared.

[It isn't said like "we need to talk" levels of gotcha, but it indicates she may feel reluctant to have this conversation with him.]

I was not intending to speak of you or Rey, but I suppose he felt obliged to reach out when he realized you were both gone.

Edited 2020-03-10 07:25 (UTC)

( there is a brief moment where he goes rigid, because there is a delicacy to the way that she broaches the subject that suggests the conversation isn't going to be one that he enjoys. )

He must have been desperate.

( matter-of-fact. han solo doesn't reach out to anyone unless there was no other alternative. )

Perhaps.

[She agrees with his assessment, but not necessarily the reason behind it. They were, after all, only acquaintances. He'd known that she was alone, and she reminded him of people he had known.

Reaching out to her no doubt felt natural. But she doesn't need to go into that detail. In truth, she isn't sure how to feel about being so closely similar to so many people in their world.]

I owe you my honesty, and I did not know if you were coming back.

[That is uncomfortable to admit, in truth. To admin that she had feared the worst, that thinking of it drove her to action on his behalf.]

So, I pressed him about his treatment of you.

And you have questions?

( she's asking without asking. swallowing another careful mouthful of tea, kylo considers this and then decides that he can give her this if she wishes it. he owes her that much, he thinks.

or perhaps he simply wishes to talk, finally. to share this with someone that might not immediately dismiss his feelings out of hand, too dazzled by his family's collective legend. )

No.

[She lets him digest that response while she figures out exactly what she'd hoped to gain from this honesty. Part of her wonders if she might have been wrong to offer it -- if offering it was cruel, to have him think that she now thought differently of him.

She didn't, of course. She valued nothing more than her own experience, and her experience told her that Kylo Ren was a valuable friend to have.

He cared about her.]

One man's word could not so easily cause me to doubt the man you've been to me, Kylo Ren. I only thought you should know that he reached out to me, and I made my opinion of him known.

[He had managed to change her opinion enough that she would not continue to be hostile toward him, but he would need to do a great deal more to sway her allegiance from the man beside her.]

I am more interested in what you would have to say about him, than what he would have to say about you.

( something in his chest loosens when daenerys speaks, unwinding. truthfully, he hadn't expected it to be as easy as that. usually there were demands of some kind demands that he explain himself, that he defend his decisions.

he is so accustomed to being caught on the wrong foot that he doesn't quite know what to make of this at first. then, his head tips to the side. conceding. )

I'm not sure I know where to begin.

( the old hurt lingers, but it's no longer as sharp or as bitter as it once had been. relief at an opportunity to make at least one of his many mistakes right. )

I'll start then.

[Daenerys drifts over to a chair, pulling one out for Kylo Ren to take if he wishes. If not, she will just sit and stare upward at him. It isn't her preferred sort of manner of address but -- well, this was heavy for him. If she took a moment to examine it, it was a bit heavy for her too.]

He spoke much of your power, and your struggle with it. The one you and Rey no longer have here. How there were no resources to assist you in managing what it gave you.

[Something else she could relate to, though she does not say quite so much so quickly. It is an invitation for him to offer his perspective.]

My power.

( he repeats the word. it makes a sort of sense, then, that this is where they start. )

My grandfather was a powerful man. Feared. ( he has to pause a moment, to consider the context. ) A warlord.

My mother wasn't aware of her connection to him until she was much older. She and her brother were hidden from him when they were children.

[She nods in understanding. Quite the burden. And knowing where it came from, the fear made more sense -- however Han had tried to deny it, fear was involved in their decision-making. Maybe not of their son, but of what could come of it.]

I might understand why.

[But then, she might not as well. Her fingers momentarily tap on the table, clearly uncomfortable.]

They called my father the Mad King before one of his Kingsguard stabbed him in the back. My brother and our caretakers used to remind me. Daily.

I'm sorry.

( it comes quickly, easily, and with a surprising amount of sincerity for all that it clearly makes them both uncomfortable. making oneself vulnerable was like this, he was realizing. even when it was good it felt awkward and unsettling. )

I didn't know until I was older. My mother's heritage was exposed publicly, and the galaxy turned on our family for a time.

It was difficult. ( on the one hand it explained so much of their fear. on the other, they had kept the truth from him and in doing so had denied him something of the peace he had so desperately craved at the time. )